Because of the nature of my job, as a parenting expert, I get to hear the above statement a million times and a lot more. Believe me, everything I share on this page is real life stories. I received this call from a mother, she was in so much tears, initially I thought something had happened to her son because she was just saying my son! my son!. After calming her down, she was able to explain that her first son is very rude, he does not listen to both parents, does not want to do anything, does not follow instructions at all and has resulted in both parents beating, shouting at him even though they always regret their act afterwards.
In her words, the irony of it all is that, I was told by his class teacher during the PTA meeting that he is very well behaved in class. According to her, she said she didn’t believe it when the teacher first said that to her, so she had to make the teacher repeat it again. She said she didn’t know how to counter it because he’s completely a different person at home.
The truth is, children are smart and have the ability to adapt to any situation or environment they find themselves in, Sometimes, this happens to some children that are from a very strict home or authoritarian parents.
These are children who are not allowed to play, express themselves or given power to make choices so when they get to anywhere other than home, they’re literally lost, this is where you see some children jumping everywhere without control, they literally just misbehave. While for some other children, it is the other way round.
There is always a root cause for children’s behavior, in this case, it was an attention seeking behavior.
This is a child who is desperately in need of attention from his parents.Being the first child with two other siblings, was a big threat for him and remember every child is not the same, this is the reason I encourage parents to understand their individual child.
This child was feeling left out in the family, he was feeling his parents did not love him anymore since the birth of his two siblings. He felt his parents are focusing all the love and attention to his siblings so, the only way to get his parents attention back was to misbehave and trust me anytime he does, he gets the attention because his parent can’t stand him misbehave, hence, they end up smacking , beating, hitting and yelling at him.
Dear intentional parents, never forget your first child is your first love. Always remind him of that at all times. Spend time alone with him using what he likes and by doing so, he will not feel left out but feel loved and feel part of the family. In fact, attention should be given to him more because he has always had you both, that is, ‘’Mummy and Daddy’’ all by himself before his sibling.
Always remember that FORCE does not correct a child’s behavior, but connection does. Create time on a daily basis to connect and spend quality time with your child, using what he likes to satisfy your child’s need to be loved , heard, seen, valued and be loved unconditionally.
