It’s usually a bit of a struggle with my 2years old son Golden when it comes to brushing teeth most of the time; he will not even open his mouth for me to brush his teeth. When I say Golden is tooth brushing time, he’ll say ‘’No I don’t want to’’ or’’ I want to do it myself’’ he’ll end up most of the time just licking the paste and afterwards he’ll throw the brush away. For me this was an expected and age-appropriate behaviour. Understanding this fact puts me in a state of calm. I did not want to force him also; I understand his high need for control. Again, I’m I going to leave him to have a cavity because of his refusals? NO! I’m not going to that, that is not what I want for my child.
My aim is for him to have the intrinsic motivation for tooth brushing for morning and night before bed. Meanwhile whenever I ask him Golden! Why do you not like to brush your teeth? His response is usually ‘’ because I don’t want to’’ again I will ask, would you like mummy to get you another special toothbrush? Because, in our family remember, we brush our teeth morning and night. He says yes!
I informed him about myself and him going to the shop to get some more special toothbrushes. Also, I said: mummy will expect you to start brushing your teeth morning and night okay, ‘’ok mummy he said! We both went to the shop and because I wanted to satisfy his need for control that is autonomy, I let him choose brushes of his choice and he ended up picking three brushes again. I reminded him that they were for tooth brushing.
In the evening of that day, about 5 minutes before his tooth brushing time, I reminded him by saying Golden, in 5 minutes, it will be tooth brushing time. When the time eventually came, I brought the brushes out, asked him with great excitement to choose the one he wanted. He picked one. Again, I asked: would you want me to brush your teeth or you brush it yourself? He said I will brush it myself and that was it. There was no struggle whatsoever then I told him that an adult will brush his teeth in the mornings while at night he can brush it by himself if he wants to.
Down to the next morning, I brought the brushes out then asked him to pick one. Again, I said mummy will brush your teeth now and he said no mummy! I reminded him of an adult brushing his teeth in the morning. I said to him Golden, would you want me or your daddy to brush your teeth? He said mummy! OK, would you like to sit on mummy’s special lap or sit on my kitchen cabinet? He said mummy’s special lap so he sat on my special lap while I brushed his teeth in a fun and exciting way without any refusal but then I had to be as quick as possible.
To be honest since using this technique, there’s never been any issue apart from the fact that sometimes in the morning, he says I want to do it myself and I remind him of our family standard then give him options.
Dear parents, the truth is children will always be children and they will always push boundaries but it is important for us to remember that we are the ones in charge not our children. It takes wisdom, understanding, patience, consistency to be able to satisfy a child’s 3 basic psychological needs, that is the need for love and to be loved unconditionally, the need to be capable and the need to feel that you are able to make choices and decisions that are within parents’ boundaries and set rules.
