There are a thousand and one reasons why a child is Parentified.
- Health Conditions: This is where a parent is depressed, stressed or physically ill and finds it very difficult to take care of themselves, the parent will welcome and accept their child’s nurturing even without asking.
- Childhood parenting: A situation where a parent is parented in the same way her own parent parented her, unconsciously will parent her own child exactly the same. For most parents, it may not be intentional but because that was the way they were parented, they do exactly the same to their child. If your parents met your psychological needs for relatedness, that is need for love and be loved unconditionally, valued, respect, heard, seen, attention, you will automatically do the same to your child without even realizing.
- Single Parent: This is where a parent is a single parent with too many children this can be especially if you are the first child, your parents may depend on you to help co parent siblings while she works. This reminds me of the parent I met at play group who told me she has six children and I asked her, how did you manage? With a smile she said the first two are grown and that she had them early so they’re the one helping her out with the younger ones.
- Loss of a Parent: Sometimes it is caused by the loss of a parent. That is where a child loses say either or both parents; the child takes the role of caretaker for siblings.
- Substance misuse/addiction: Where a parent is involved in use of drugs or addicted to drugs, it can cause child neglect and instability in the home and as such may lead the child into taking the role of parenting siblings or parents.
Most times, it may not necessarily be your parent’s intention to assign this role to you but because of the circumstances of the home, she may not have choice but however, the circumstances are the same because the child will be missing out of those mother-child relationship, nurturing and generally those things that makes a child to be a child. For my friend’s case, she was forced into parentification because both her parents were very busy; hence the parenting role of looking after her siblings was imposed on her.
