Dear intentional parents, I completely understand the worries of your child being too quiet. You worry that your child does not mix-up or play with other children in social gatherings, you worry that your child does not have friends and that he’s all by himself, you worry that you get told at every parents teachers meeting that your child does not associate with other children, he does not get invites for birthdays from children in school, your worry that is just you your child wants to be around with.
You worry that even when other children want to play with your child; he’s not showing any interest. You worry that even friends and families that’s supposed to understand are the ones making your worries worse, you worry over the embarrassment it cost you most of the times, you worry about what people think of your child, you worry and wonder where you got it all wrong with your child, you worry with so much guilt and shame, you worry that you don’t want your child to go through what you went through growing up. You worry about how he’s going to survive in this uncertain and chaotic world, you worry! Worry! Worry!
I’m here to assure you that you and your child will be fine. I know parents worry a lot; this is who we are and how we’re made. However, I will suggest the following;
. Accept your own worries as fine: see it as ‘’ this is who I am, this is what makes me a parent, I didn’t do anything wrong to worry about my child, it is okay to feel the way I feel. Understand this fact that being a parent can be challenging and is absolutely okay.
. Love your child unconditionally: this is the greatest love of all. Giving your child unconditional love is the best love a mother can give her child. I understand it can be hard to give sometimes. Loving your child in good and bad times, love your child at all times, love whether you like their behavior or not. I encourage you to separate your child from his behavior. It is this love that will help you look into your child’s eyes and say ‘’ I love you regardless, and there’s nothing in this world that can make my me love you less’’. Gift your child that gift of unconditional LOVE.
. Accept your child’s personality for who he is: I understand we all want our children to always interact, socialize, and make friends in school and all. I understand that the world is made of introverts and extroverts. This same world has made us believe that we must be on TVs, we must be singers, actors and actresses and thrive to be the center of attraction. If your child is an introvert, he’s an introvert and there’s absolutely nothing we can do to change it. Also, remember that introverts truly rules the world. They’re the best artists, writers, designers, inventors and all. Instead of your introverted child to focus on the outward like the extroverts, your child actually turns inward. That’s how he is and that’s how he’s made.
.Stop Shaming your child: shaming your child will cause more harm and damage to your child. It will not even make your worries less. Resist the urge of feeling that your child is embarrassing you in public. Remember he’s your child and there’s nothing you can do to change that fact. Avoid embarrassing your child in public just because you want to prove a point to your families and loved ones. Avoid words such as ‘’see your brother has loads of friends and you have none, if you carry on with this bad attitude, you’ll end up being all by yourself in this whole wide world. Instead i encourage you to focus on what your child is doing right, focus on his strength not weakness and say what you want to see in your child.
. Be Patient with your child: again remember that your child needs more time to warm up unless the extrovert so, be patient with him on this. Let him know that you understand he needs more time to check his environment first before involving. At this point, you’re his greatest supporter and encouragement then give it time.
. Watch out for negative labels: the negative labels you give or you allow other people to give your child will form his identity. Remember whatever you say or let others say to your child is what your child will start acting. Never accept or allow your friend to label your child. For instance, you ran into your friend at the mall and she said hello to your child and your child turned his face the other way, avoiding saying ‘’oh! He’s just been shy or says your friend says oh! Common, don’t be shy! Is it only me, just say oh! He likes to take his time and will respond when he’s ready. Avoid naming what you see in your child instead; name what you want to see.
. Remember the natural pain your child will through: the truth is you can’t protect your child from all pains. There are natural pains your child will go through in life. Shielding them from these pains means they will not learn from natural life experiences. These experiences are part of your child’s growth and development and he’ll have different experiences at different phases of his life and will be part of his learning journey to life.
