Praise is one of the ways we use to nurture self-esteem in children. This helps children understand how they feel, believe and think about themselves. It important that parents should be careful with the way they talk to their child and also learn the best way to praise them in ways that will build their self –esteem and also help their growth mindset.
Children can be praised irrespective of their age, can be praised at anytime. You can praise your child for sharing his toys with the brother, you can praise for sitting nicely at dinner, you can praise for meeting and making two friends at the party and you can praise your teenage son for keeping to time after a hangout with friends and all. However, there is away and how to praise a child.
- Praise your child’s effort: it is important to first acknowledge the process and the effort your child have put into place instead of praising the expected result. When you focus on your child’s efforts, it encourages them to want to learn or try harder next time and also helps them understand that sometimes efforts put on a task can take a longer time. Also having this mindset will reduce the fear of mistakes in the future because they now understand that mistakes are part of a learning process So rather than saying to your child you’re smart, you’re intelligent, good job, when they come with their drawing sheets, rephrase it to “I can see that you have drawn all the animals and colored it yourself, you must have put a lot of efforts into that or you know your numbers 1-100 by heart now; I can tell how much time you must have put into practicing.”
- Be Specific: overly praising your child with word such as good job, well done, you’re smart will cause your praise to be meaningless before your child and this is actually what we do not want for our child because they’ll doubt the genuineness of the praise and overtime, can lead to a child having fixed mindset. This is how the child will. Well, I’m used to my mum saying that to me all the time is not a big deal anymore so instead praise that particular aspect of their achievement so this will teach them how to evaluate themselves in the long run. Let your child know exactly why you’re praising him for example, ‘’ I really like the way that you shared your dinosaur animal with your friend instead of just say good sharing.’’ This tells you child that your child that he’s been praised for sharing dinosaur animal only.
- Be Honest with Your Praise: your child understands completely when you’re been truthful. Imagine telling a child ‘’ you’re the best footballer in the world. This can even make them loose the trust they have for you because they know that they’re certainly not the best. this can as well cause them think less of themselves. Again I understand that some parents might even out of fear of over-praising their child now praise their child less. This isn’t the best option either because children needs parents encouragement to feel good at what they do or doing. So you can say things like ‘’ thank you for helping me to push the trolley at the shop today, I really appreciate.
- It is not about you but your child: our children need us to help them specify their own feelings and achievements. Instead of making it about us. It is very common to say to a child ‘’I’m very proud of you’’ this statement is actually about us not our child. I suggest you help your child understand how they should feel proud of their accomplishment. They’re the one who did the work not you. So they need to feel proud of themselves for the work they have done. Denying them or making it about you will put so much pressure on them to want to please YOU mummy and daddy at all times. This is because they want you to be happy with them so whether they enjoy it or not, as long as my parents loves it, I will study that medicine afterall I want my parents to be proud of me thereby affecting their intrinsic motivation to learn or do anything. When you show interest in what your child does and you’re particularly interested in how they’ve achieved it, this gives them the ability to self evaluate themselves another time instead of them totally relying on your opinion and decisions for them.
- Avoid the using ‘BUT’: anytime you teach your child the ability to self-evaluate themselves, and you feel the need for them to do better, always remember to focus on that particular area they need to do better. Instead of Saying things like I am happy with your Mathematics grade result, but what can you do to get higher grades? This statements will remain in your child’s head as ‘’ my mathematics grade is good But it isn’t enough. The truth is your child will literally forget the things you said before the ‘BUT’ and focus on the ‘’ is not good enough’’. You don’t want this mindset for your child do you? Because it has the tendency of staying with your child even in adulthood. This is the reason why some parents always feel they’re never good enough for something.
In all, over praising your child will not make your child feel good about him or herself and will not help build intrinsic motivation for your child. This can make a child struggle when they face challenges because now they’re thinking they must meet mummy and daddy’s high expectations of them into studying medicine. This Is the reasons why it is importance to praise your child wisely even when they have drawn good picture, sat nicely at dinner. If they don’t come to you to mummy ‘’look I sat really well at dinner,’’ leave them alone to enjoy their own feeling of joy and achievements. If they come to you for being able to put their coats on by themselves, acknowledge it ‘’ I like that you were able to put your coat on, this will not stop them from doing so in the future so always remember to let your child feel happy and proud of himself.
