Oftentimes, I hear parents complain about their children not listening to them or following their instructions. One said Dumebi,” I wonder why I will ask my child to do simple tasks and he’ll just be looking at me. Look, it drives me crazy sometimes, I’m not even going to lie, it is very frustrating. That you have to repeat yourself over and over again is so annoying, honestly.”
While it is very normal and healthy for children to contend their independence, it is also very important for them to follow adults’ rules, principles and boundaries. For you to get your children to obey or follow your instructions, you should also consider how you give the instructions. I suggest you consider the following points.
- My child lives in the moment: Children live in the now. This is why you’ll ask a child say Golden! Can you please get me a glass of water from the kitchen and he says OK mummy. Only for you to wait and wait and Golden isn’t fort coming then you decide to go check what’s going on with him then you realise he’s just on the floor playing with a toy and I’m sure you’ll be wondering that’s if you will not shout at him in the first place ” is this the glass of water I asked you to get. Why can’t you just follow simple instructions. The truth is genuinely he was actually going get you the glass of water until he got distracted with the toys he found on his way and completely forgot about the glass of water. He didn’t mean to make you sad honestly this is just because children live in the now and in the moment. Again, remember they don’t have anything to worry about like you.
2. I use empty threats: This is where parents say things like Golden! If you don’t pick up your toys, I’m not going to turn the TV off or pick your book up or I put them in the bin, if you don’t take your plates to the sink, you’ll not follow me to the park and many more. The truth is children completely understand when parents give empty threats out of frustration. They’re too smart to know that their parents aren’t going to carry out the threat. So, they will not pick up the toys you’ve asked them to pick. A situation where parents say I will turn the TV off but never turns it off and your children knows mummy will do nothing about it.
- My Child understands my pattern: Because they have studied you over time and they know that you have never carried out any of the consequences on them so they completely know when you’re serious or they understand that sometimes you give up after talking over and over again so they’re not going to listen to you or follow your instructions.
- Use of sarcasm: Mummy, daddy, where’s my book? Is on my head, mummy, daddy where’s my shoes? come and find it in my nose because I’m the one looking after it for you. Your child takes in even your tone of voice, all your negative comments and for some children, and they may end up feeling bad and cry while some care less and you will say things like, “fine then” with the feeling of my mummy don’t care. This will make them not listen.
- I engage in power struggle: I see this a lot with parents. Pick up toys from the floor and your son says ‘’No I don’t want to” then you say ” you have to pick them up now” your son says No I don’t want to and you keep going back and forth with him. For a younger child, you may end up forcing the child to pick the toys up. Instead of that, why not live the child to face the consequences rather than engage in a power struggle that will make your child not listen.
Are you frustrated that your child is not listening to you? Have you looked at the above point? Is there any point you’re guilty of? I suggest you try a new approach and constantly practice better ways of talking to your child, this would help you and your child to behave not just at home but in real world.
