I was asked this question a few weeks ago while teaching a group of parents about the danger of forcing a child to eat. Take it or leave it, you can’t force a child to do anything that’s against their wish irrespective of who you are to them. I think most of the time parents feel because ‘’you’re my child and I’m an adult, you should do as you’re told’’.
I want you to first understand that your child/children do not belong to YOU irrespective of the fact that you birth them. Don’t forget the fact that they have their lives to live. They’ll solve their own problems and challenges by themselves, then grow into adulthood. Also, note that there will be many choices and decisions your child/children will make that you as a parent will not be happy with. This is just exactly what you did to your own parents.
You can’t physically force a child to eat just because that’s the only option you have, and you don’t want your child to stay hungry. What then happens when they have grown taller than you? to an extent that you have to look up to be able to talk to them just because you’re no longer as tall as they are. Are you still going to force them at this stage? If they don’t want to eat the food you provide, please don’t go physical because they’re free to make their own decisions, choices and you don’t want to take the need that makes them feel they’re able to govern their lives away from them.
Dear parents, I invite you to consider the following:
First, whenever you’re making decisions on what to cook, please put your child/ children into consideration. By now, you should have known your child’s likes and dislikes when it comes to food, so putting this into consideration will save you the refusal drama.
Also, how do you prepare the food? Your child may refuse to eat your food because of the way you prepared it say for instance, my daughter does not like fried egg with tomatoes but when you fry it without adding anything to it, she’ll gladly accept and eat. Understanding this fact will make your child not refuse your food.
Again, have you ever taken out time to ask your child why she doesn’t eat certain food any time you prepare it. I know of a child who does not like to eat beans just because she was told by her friend in school that a certain child was overweight because she eats beans. For this child is a fact, and because she doesn’t want to be overly weight, anytime her parents offer her beans, she declines. Having this kind of conversation will help you understand where your child is coming from.
Again, if possible, write the shopping list together and go shopping together. Afterwards, involve your child in the cooking, and by so doing, she will not refuse the food she joined in preparing.
Also, make your food inviting and fun. Remember, for children, everything must be fun. If it’s not fun, they’re not interested. Make your breakfast, lunch, dinner fun and special. This I mean by using special plates, table clothes, cutlery. Make use of them and stop keeping them for special visitors or only Christmas times. Your children are more important to you than your special guest. Christmas shouldn’t be the only time they get to use those special plates and all. Make it special for them at all times and see if they’ll not gladly eat and enjoy your food.
Another reason children refuses to eat is because it is boring in the sense that they’re all sat by themselves in the big bow of porridge. They’ll get tired of the food or refuse. What happens if all the family members come together every dinner, breakfast, or lunch time. When they see you eat, they’ll will eat especially when the food is in same plate and all of you are eating from it. This works a lot for me. Do you know that this is also a bonding moment for you and your child/children.
Another reason your child is refusing to eat your food is because there’s no options. Imagine giving a child toast every day for breakfast. The child will get tired of it and refuse. Give your child options of food. For instance, for breakfast, give options for Weetabix, porridge, and coco pops, and let them choose from your options.
Your child/children will not eat your food because of the manner in which you spoke and presented it to them. Imagine telling a child ‘’ this is all I have if you like eat it or leave it, you’ll be left hungry. Look some children don’t even care whether they eat or not and some may not know that they’re even hungry. it is still you they’ll stress with their cries and behaviors’. You child deserves respect from you irrespective of their age. Let’s rephrase it to ‘’ dear Golden I understand that you like coco pops, at the moment, we have ran out of it here’s Weetabix would you please have it, I assure you that I will do shopping today and get your coco pops so you’ll have it for tomorrow breakfast’’ trust me some children are very understanding and may consider it and if they still chose not to, is FINE. You can offer water, fruits if you have until the next meal. They’re not going to die of hunger.
Dear intentional parents, I encourage you put the following points into consideration and think if there’s any way, you’re defaulting, think of how you can get your child eating, not just eating but enjoying their meals and remember that you cannot FORCE a child to eat if they chose not to. It’s their choice and decisions to make.
