This was one of the questions asked at the event on Saturday. In as much I encourage parents to work, apart from the financial needs work meets, it also meets our needs for relatedness. That is, needs for acceptance, need to be heard, seen and valued, needs for respect, need for love, socialize and all.
Meeting these needs helps to promote our general wellbeing. No wonder some nursing mothers look so unhappy even in their maternity leave. Especially those of them who are used to working or doing something. Some of them look forward to going back to work or doing those things they enjoy doing while the ones who are unable may be unhappy. This is still applicable to some stay- home mums or dad. Some of them are not happy within because they have needs that need to be satisfied. The money and comfort may be there but then that need to meet people, belong, to socialize is not satisfied in them.
However, any job that will take you stay away from your child/children or that will not give you time to connect with them does not worth it especially if your children are young. Remember, the formative years of a child is between the ages of 0-7-years. This is like a window opportunity to instill values, trainings and teachings. It is usually very difficult to gain it back once this opportunity is missed and as such, should be taken with all seriousness. During this stage, every minute, hours spent should count.
It was important I establish the above fact. A home cannot function without effective structure. This is what helps children thrive. Once a child knows and understands what to expect, it gives them a feeling of security and safety. This is why it is important for every home to have one. Once a routine is established in a home, it even makes life easy for your as a parent and your child.
Set up a daily routine for your children. Let them know what they should be doing per time. The easiest way to achieve this is to set it together with your children. Let them know why you’re having the big change in your family. It may not go well with them in the first few days because they’re not used to it so expect them to push boundaries, but your patience consistency and firmness is what will make the difference. For instance, say your child woke up 7:00am what do you want her to do first? pray, make her bed, breakfast, shower? Your child should know what is expected of them at every given time. This doesn’t mean that they’re remote, no! they’re not hence the reason I encourage parents to ensure that they have frequent free play time and also ensure that the things they do promotes independent.
Provide different fun activities for your child/children such as water play, sand play, painting, puzzles, coloring pens and sheets, Legos, building blocks, different toys, books, cooking kitchen, dressing clothes and mirror especially the ones they like and remember children get bored easily and quickly so providing varieties of toys or resources will help them find other things that they enjoy that you have provided for them
Another thing you can do is to get your children’s school calendar to note their holidays, term- breaks so that you and your hubby can book your own holidays around it. This is so you can bond and have family time together which will make them believe that mummy and daddy truly cares for them.
Since the two of you are working from home, please I will suggest you do not take your breaks at the same time, take it separately so that the two of you can use the opportunity to connect with your children separately.
Also, explain to your children that mummy and daddy are working from home so please do your jumping, running, talking, calmly and quietly so we don’t get queried at work. Just like adults, children too understand and corporate depending on the manner at which you approach them.
Again, children will be children and whatever they do must be fun. By this I mean once in a while, quietly snick out from your work table and tinkle them, Wisper to their ears I love you my baby girl/boy. Say things like ‘’I can see that you’ve been doing loads of drawing, coloring, writing or anything they’re doing, you’ll tell me about it during my break.’’ You can give a hug, high-five and run back again to your desk.
Don’t forget to let your colleagues, manager, team leader know that your children are home just in case they hear any noise at the background so they’re not wondering what’s going on at your end. Sometimes at the start of a meeting is when your child will come and say mummy/daddy I’m hungry even when he’s not or another says daddy, I need a wee! Even though he knows exactly and he’s been taking himself to the toilet before now. With children, these things are inevitable so understanding them will put you in a state of calm.
With children, everyday is not the same. Some days may be sweet or good. This is where you see them obeying all the rules, doing as they’re told and helping out while someday, it will be the other way round that may get you to want to ask if they were same children of yours that behaved so well the previous day. It’s all normal even in our lives as adults, someday we have all pleasant and someday it isn’t so, it is a law of the universe that is irreversible. Know this fact and put yourself in a state of peace rather than reacting or over reacting.
In all, I encourage you to always put your children into consideration when choosing your career. Your children/child should come first before anything else. Creating special time for your individual child is as important as anything you can think of and build a relationship with your child. Always remind yourself with this matra ‘’ I have time to parent my children’’.
