I was privilege to be in the midst of some young adults between the ages 16 and 18. One of them who just turned 18 was telling us how she spent her 18th birthday. She had spent 2 weeks in a Five Star Hotel in US, she had gone with her parents, two of her friends and her two brothers. she told us all the fun she had and showed us photos.
After she finished, she said to me, Dumebi! I said what? I am an adult now she said, I replied, yes you are, congratulations! Thank you, she replied! then she smiled and said, I want to leave home! I asked her to repeat what she said; then she goes again, I want to leave home, like I want to leave my parent’s home and I said why? she said “I want to start taking responsibilities for myself, I want to learn people management, I have never lived with people, I want to experience what life truly is out there. I want to work, pay my bills; I just want to be all by myself.
I listened to her intently, by the time she was done telling me all her reasons, I asked, have you told your parents your plan? Yes, she replied. Then, I questioned further, what was their response? With a charming smile on her face, she responded, my dad does not have issues with it, but my mum is so concerned and don’t want me to leave.
I was inquisitive why the mom doesn’t want her to leave the house, it became more interesting when she said her mom would miss her so much, being the only girl. She said her mum keep asking her where she’s rushing to that she’s got lots of years ahead of her. In her word, her mum said, ‘’ have we ever complained to you about the payment of bills? Why do you want to start taking responsibilities so soon’’.
I chuckled and said, like you rightly said you are an adult now, the decision is entirely up to you, I believe you would make the right decision for yourself and for your mum, I completely understands how she feels. Most mothers will feel same, is quite normal for her to feel the way she feels. Honestly is hard for her baby girl to just wake up one day and tell you she’s leaving the house, is honestly had.
On the other hand, these are same parents that will say to their child, I can’t wait for you to start sitting, crawling, walking, go through school, start cooking and many more. Trust me, all these stages you wish for your child will definitely come and pass so why not cherish and enjoy every moment and every stage of their life’s. Believe me it goes quickly. Once they’re out from your belly, I don’t know how it happens but the rate at which they grow is so fast and magical and also remember it comes with its own challenges.
Dear parents, I invite you to let your children grow and develop in their own pace. Let them enjoy their childhood. Create memories that they’ll take to adulthood when they’re no longer leaving with you. I always say to parents, ‘’ let a child be a child, don’t take childhood out of a child all in the name of parenting.
Also, what are you afraid of? Are you afraid that they’ll not be able to leave and cope as an adult, parenting is like a school, that at the end of the academic year, you’re tested based on what you have been taught and learnt so is up to you whether or not to pass or fail. Same is likable to parenting. You have 0-18-years to nurture your child. This is the stage that tells whether you have been parenting the right way? This is when your result shows and trust me if you’re parenting intentionally, there should be nothing to worry about.
Again, are you the overprotective or a permissive parent that don’t just want your child to go. Are you feeling; after all I have done for you? I literally gave up my life for you. After all the sacrifices? Or are you feeling empty, loss, lonely already that you did all the sacrifice so your child can feel the vacuum and because of that you don’t want them leave or release them?
lastly, trust them to make good decisions for themselves when you’re not there with them and even if they make mistakes, it is still an opportunity for them to learn and do things better, remember they have lots of years ahead so releasing them on time will give them the opportunity to perhaps learn those skills like tolerance, resilience that you may not have thought them in the real world.
