A parent shared this with me that her daughter, who’s 8 years old was with her phone a few days ago. While flipping through it, a pop-up came up for donations. According to the mother, she already signed up with them to be giving them a certain amount of money every now and again. The compassionate daughter who was with her mother’s phone made payment without informing her mum. It was afterwards the mum saw thank you payment, so she asked the daughter about the payment. The daughter actually confirmed she made payment with her mum’s phone.
According to the mum, she appreciated her for her compassionate act and kindness and told her that because she didn’t take permission from her, and for giving out money that doesn’t belong to her, she’ll not have any Christmas present. In her words, “That will be her punishment,” and I’m like, well, you want her to feel the pain of her mistake, right? She said yes! I said ok but do you think she meant to hurt you? If she knew any better, she would not do such.
Do you know that your reaction can affect her attitude towards giving the next time? This was her first time doing this. She’s never done it before, so why do you have to make her suffer for her mistake. Again, I repeat, never punish a child for their first-time mistake. Cease it as a teachable moment to teach her what she would have done or what she can do next time such opportunity arises.
For example, you noticed your child had made payment using your phone. Better approach will be, I noticed you used my phone to make donations for the deaf. You must be very compassionate to have done that. So tell me, what made you donate? Say she says X,Y and Z reasons, with this, you will tell where she’s coming from without criticizing, and then use it as a learning opportunity or teachable moment.
Applaud her for been so compassionate towards giving. Teach her that you don’t give out what does not belong to you and tell her the why behind it. Teach her that she would have sought your permission first before donating. Teach her about personal space and boundaries and teach her everything that needs to be taught. Then forgive her and give her another chance. This second chance will prove if she’s actually learned or not.
Mistakes are learning opportunities for children, as a parent, your goal is to ensure that your child knows what to do differently next time, that your child can inform you of such pop ups the next time it comes up, your job is to ensure that your child knows she’s not meant to click on the pops, can she demonstrate the teaching you have given her in a practical way? Whether we like it or not, our children will always make mistakes, it is part of their learning process and its natural to do so.
The truth about this is that your child’s self-esteem will drop as soon as you use punishment for their first-time mistakes even though she may not show it and she may completely lost interest with giving or donation in the future. So, I encourage you to always take advantage of teachable moments, use it to teach the positive behavior you want to see in your child.
