A mother of three shared with me how she spends her Thursdays, she said she does school runs for her older child in the morning, then come back, take the two younger children for swimming for two different sessions, afterwards, straight to gymnastic, The youngest starts from 13:00 – 13:40pm while the preschooler follows immediately from 13:45-14:25 then straight for afternoon school runs of 15:10 then goes straight back to gymnastic for the oldest child that starts at 16:00- 16:55, afterwards, goes to swimming again for the oldest for 17:30-18:00 before finally going back home at about 19:00. In her words, she said, this is just for Thursdays only I have not even talked about the Fridays and Saturdays ones, honestly, is not funny somedays.
While telling me this, the first thing I said to her was well-done! I can tell it is not an easy one, I can understand that enrolling your children for extracurricular activities is an essential part of their development and also help with their social and academic performance, these activities boost self-esteem and is fun for children. I also understand the feeling and the prestige that comes with it especially when parents are together, they kind of brag or talk about it, my daughter does gymnastics, swimming, goes for music classes, barley, taekwondo, while my son does this and that. In fact, I’m thinking of enrolling him for another boxing class, I just heard of the new place they’ve opened close to our house, I will go check it out and see what it’s is like”.
While engaging your child(ren) in all of these activities, have you thought of how your child is feeling about it? Is it stressing them too much? Is it overwhelming for them? imagine a child who goes straight to gymnastics from school, then swimming, before getting back home late, obviously, this child must be tired at the end of day. What time does the child have to herself to explore and be creative? Structured activities when they’re too many can deter your child this great opportunity.
Have you as a parent thought about the many activities your child is involved in? Sometimes we tend to think that the more the activities a child is engaged is better, but most of the time, this is usually not true, your child does not need all of the activities, only engage him in the activities of his interest or passionate about. Think about what your child loves doing, what he’s good at, focusing on these will help your child excel in the areas of his strength instead of involving them in so many and at the end, he’s not master of any,” the only way to do great things is to love what you do” says Steve Jobs.
Doing these activities alone requires lots of energy so I will suggest you ask your partner for assistance. Kudos to those who help out on this. For those who don’t, try to know his schedules, then fix some of these activities in his free time and then politely ask him to please help you take John to swimming lessons. Sometimes, it’s not as if fathers don’t want to support, but when they see that you’re being the supper woman, they tend to leave and just watch, this is the reason why you see most mothers looking so stressed and older than their age while the men look relaxed and fresh. Dear mothers, the truth is, men will not read your mind and some of them, it is only when they’re asked to do a certain task before they do so, please always ASK for help, don’t do it all by yourself so you don’t get too exhausted and always remember to praise them whenever they help.
Have you thought of how you can partner with your friend(s) to do some of these activities? for me, myself and my friend take turns with the girls for barley on Saturdays. We started it last year and it’s been helpful for me particularly. Get a trusted friend and see how you both can support each other with these activities.
What about the cost of registering your child(ren) in all of these activities. Have you for once sat down to total the cost of it all? I have heard parents say to me, I don’t buy things anymore for myself because of my children’s activities. Also, think about the rising cost of living, instead of putting yourself into debts all in the name of wanting your child to do extracurricular activities, I will suggest you have a conversation with your child about cutting down the activities that are not of interest for your child.
Lastly, what time do you have for self-care when you spend all of your time from one activity to another day in and day out. I understand the need for sacrifice when it comes to raising a child, however, putting yourself first should by your priority, by this I mean taking out time to rest, sleep, exercise or even hang out with friends, these would actually help you to take better care for your children. Believe me, every parent, mothers especially are worthy of self-care and you deserve it. Parenting is first about you. You need to look after yourself first before you can look after another being.
Dear intentional parents, it’s crucial to assess whether the sacrifices involved are truly worth it at the end of the day. I’ll advice you to strike a balance that enables your child thrive and enjoy their pursuits without it negatively affecting other aspects of their development. Most importantly, parenting decisions must be guided by what is in the best interest of your child, taking into consideration their present capabilities and needs.
