This post is coming as a result of numerous complaints I have heard from parents concerning their teenagers. No wonder there’s this belief that parenting itself is hard, but parenting a teenager, they say is hardest. I’m yet to believe this statement because every developmental stage of a child requires knowledge and application of the knowledge itself is the hardest of work and also, understanding the windows of opportunity of your child starting from when there’re born will make your parenting work less.
For better understanding, it will be important for us to understand what CONNECTION means in parenting. This simply means the relationship parents build with their child based on shared interest. When you connect with your teenage child, you meet their needs for relatedness. By this, your child will feel loved, valued, heard and seen. The truth is; connecting with your child doesn’t necessarily have to be planned, sometimes make it casual by using your normal day to day activities or interactions to build a relationship with your child.
Here are 4 ways to better connect with your teenage child:
- Be a present parent: with our busyness of life as parents, it can be quite challenging to even create time for our teenagers how much more been present. By this I mean paying 100 percent attention to your teenage child alone without any form of distractions. Most of the time, we assume we are present while in the real sense, we are not present. Being present will help you build a stronger connection with your teenage child.
- Be a good listener: Truly speaking, sometimes parents deprive themselves of the opportunities of understanding their teenage child and also understanding the reason they behave the way they do because they ‘re not listening. Also, you’ll see a situation where parents shut their teens down just because the teen said what they’re not happy with. This is why humility is one of the basic skills you learn as soon as you become an intentional parent. Reason is many times; your children are going to say and do things you do not like and this is part of their learning journey and is absolutely normal.
- Be interested in their likes or what they do: do this by paying close attention to what your child likes and do it together with them. For example, he loves to swim, cook, dance, workout, bike ride, games, movies whatever it is, this will help build your relationship stronger and stay connected.
- Genuinely support them: sometimes, supporting your teen does not only require financial, physical assistance but also requires you understanding how they feel and putting yourself in their shoes to genuinely understand what they feel each time. It can be challenging for teens to open up to you about their feelings. This is where you show them unconditional love by letting them know that no matter what, I’m here for you and you can only achieve this by being patient. It can be difficult at times but learning patience as a skill will help you scale through this period.
Dear intentional parents, I’d like you to understand that building a connection with your teen may take time especially if you have no form of relationship before now just like every other thing in life takes time. I will encourage you to work alongside them and allow them to make their choices and decisions even if they make mistakes because that’s how they’ll learn.
