I saw a video of a parent complaining about her child refusing to wear a coat to school in this freezing cold weather. According to her, the daughter claims she’s fine. The mother insisted the daughter wears her coat because the weather is so cold and she can’t stand her not wearing her coat. I want to believe that the girl she was referring to was a teenager and it will also shock you that even toddlers too do refuse to wear their coats. I have seen and experienced this many times.
I would like you to understand the fact that your child does not belong to you. I understand the fact that you gave birth to them again, remember they have their own lives to live, they have their problems to solve too. Many times, your child is going to make certain choices and decisions that you may not be happy with just like not wanting to wear a coat in this freezing cold weather. This is exactly the same way your parents were not happy with some of your choices and decisions.
Also, I know a lot of parents worry about their child refusing to get their coat on, they often feel this guilt of “is my responsibility to look after my child and ensure she’s well wrapped in this freezing and windy cold weather”. In all of your worries about your child getting a cold, I would like you to understand that your child’s body belongs to your child and it is their personal responsibility to look after it.
Another thing I would like you to know is this: sometimes your child does not feel cold the same way you feel. The truth is they feel hotter inside than you do as parents and this is because the metabolic rate for your child is higher all through to their teens than that of you as a parent and also coupled with the fact that they’re always active, on the move at all times. This helps them produce more heat.
Also, have you ever had a conversation with your child about their refusals for coats? Some of them will tell you they don’t feel the cold, some will say, “mum is only a few minutes’ walk to school, some is stress for them carrying coat around, for some, is not comfortable, while for some, because no one else is wearing coat, they too will not want to wear theirs. Some will go as far as telling you” This hoodie is Okay and I feel more comfortable on it” and also the fear of getting into trouble when they lose it.
Irrespective of these, here are the following ways you can help your child wear a coat in this cold weather: firstly, I will suggest you have a conversation with your child about the WHY of wearing a coat and the danger of not wearing a coat. You can show them movies or videos of the effect of cold on individuals, then set the boundaries with them. Get your child to decide the consequence of not wearing a coat and abide by it.
Secondly, this works mostly for younger children, you can say things like: Janny, we’re going out now and it is freezing out there and I would like you to have your coat on. If she says no mum, I’m fine, you then say: well, “I’m going to grab mine because I don’t want to be cold, would you want me to get yours in case you get cold when you’re out there? Obviously, she’ll say yes. Then go with it but please don’t give it to her until she asks and if she doesn’t and you’re still feeling you can’t stand her getting cold, you can still say: here’s your coat, do you want it now? Or your coat is here whenever you want it.
The most important thing is that you’re not going back and forth with your child to say you must have your coat on while your child says NO! I don’t want or force your child to have their coat on. If you do, your child is going to resist you and you’ll be taking away their need for autonomy and this will lead to continuous power struggle irrespective of your child’s age. I encourage you to be as calm as you can and sometimes, leave your child to learn from their natural experience. The worst that can happen is your child being cold. she’s not going to die but will teach her a great lesson that she got cold and felt sick because she refused her coat. This way she’ll learn to trust you because you told her she’ll get cold and indeed she got cold.
