As a result of the nature of my job, I have been privileged to work with quite a number of parents across the globe. Parents feel free to express their challenges and feelings to me without fear of being judged. From this interaction, I can say that over eighty percent of parents struggle with what I call “parenting stress”.
Parenting stress is the stress parents go through on a day-to-day basis that leaves them with the feeling of being so exhausted, I have reached my limits, the demands of being a parent are just too much for me and I don’t think I have what it takes to meet these needs: I’m completely tired of everything.
I remembered a parent telling me, “Look, Dumebi, this girl’s crying is too much: she just wants me to carry her all day. In fact, I don’t know if I should be regretting having her or not.”
Another parent shared with me how she spends her Saturdays. In her words,
“Dumebi, from 5.00am in the morning when I wake up, I don’t get to have my shower until late in the evening, and I’m here asking why?” She showers her three children, serves breakfast, takes the oldest to swimming by 9:00 am and comes back to start the cooking (you know how native dishes can take ages to cook). In between cooking, she pauses to take the second child to swimming, and continues her chores.
With a deep breath, she said, “It is tiring, Dumebi, it is not easy.”
This is a mother of three toddlers, so I can imagine what she goes through regularly.
Stress can actually affect your parenting negatively when it is not well managed. It can cause you to lose your temper with your child or even smack them which in the long-run may lead to depression, anxiety, anger, and bitterness in your child and as such, it will affect your relationship with your child. This is not the result we want, right?
The first crucial step is to identify the kind of stress you’re facing.
The second step is managing it. If cooking is a source of parenting stress, instead of cooking every weekend and spending hours in the kitchen, batch cooking in large quantities might be better? Also, have you thought of contracting out your cooking? There could be great cooks locally that could meet your family’s cooking needs. Have you also thought of asking for help from family and friends? Personally, I do this a lot especially when I feel like I’ve gotten to my limit, I ask for help even if it means taking my children to spend at least two hours with family members or friends, which is a big relief for me.
Another vital step is self-care. What do you do concerning your self-care? Do you take out time for gym, swimming, walking, and even rest? It’s been said over and over again that lack of self-care in parenting can lead to parental burn out. Remember, it is about you first. You must look after YOU before you look after your children.
Also, what is your stress limit? You alone can answer this question because you know your capacity. You must understand that everything cannot be perfect when it comes to chores; do the chores that you’re capable of doing each time.
Remember, this point in your parenting is its season in your life; your parenting stress isn’t going to go on forever. So, I’ll encourage that you do what you can and remember that your child/children are your greatest assignment–create life-long experience with them.
Dear intentional parent, parenting stress is a sine qua non in your parenting journey but being able to manage it will lead you to a good state of being that will lead to a better parent and child relationship.
