This Wednesday, it was time for the usual school run. The children were all set and were downstairs playing while I was upstairs grabbing my phone and coat. All of a sudden, I heard Golden scream, “Help! Help! Help!”
Quickly, I ran downstairs to see what was going on: I saw he was trying to get his under-sized raincoat on while he had taken his regular coat off. Right then, I took a deep breath at the same time trying to figure out how to respond and get him to cooperate because it was time to leave the house.
I knew that telling him that his raincoat would no longer fit may not go well.
So, I said, “Are you okay Golden?”
Then he responded, “Mummy, can you help me get my coat on please?”
I said, “Sure, I’ll help you.” I went down on my knees and said, “Shall we find your leg, first?
He said, “Yes!”
“So, which leg do you want first, the right leg or the left leg?” I asked.
He replied, “The right leg.”
Again, I said, “I have got an idea. How about we both put it on together? Remember teamwork?”
So, we tried and tried and tried: it could not go through. He said, “Mummy, it is not letting me put my leg in.”
So, I said to him, “I know I can see it. Why do you think your coat is not fitting?”
He replied, “Because it is small.”
I then said, “Now that it is small, can Golden’s leg go through?”
He said, “No, but I wanted it and started crying.”
I said, “Golden, I know you really like your raincoat, I love it too and remember you had this when you were a baby. Are you still a baby now?”
He gave no response and was tearful and held on to his raincoat.
I understand the importance of empathy: it gets children to cooperate. But, at that moment, we were already running late. However, I didn’t want to drop him off in a bad mood coupled with the weather that was very cold.
I carried him and said, “Golden, I understand you’re feeling sad because the special raincoat you want to wear to nursery doesn’t fit, right? I ‘ll feel the same if I were in your shoes. I completely understand how you feel.”
Also, I said, “Golden, we’re running late now. Do you want to go late to nursery?” There was no response. So, I said, “Is it very cold outside? Do you want to catch a cold? Remember how you felt the last time you had a cold; is that what you want now for yourself again?”
He said, “No.”
I said, “Would you like to wear your coat and hold your special raincoat to the nursery?”
He nodded his head there, and then I helped him with his coat while he held his raincoat straight to the car, boom to nursery.
Tantrums for a toddler come in different forms and at any time. This happens because children can’t communicate their feelings and needs and may not have the level of understanding as to why certain things are not possible. As a parent, I’m not going to play tantrum alongside him with my reaction; instead, I choose to respond with empathy to connect with him. Was it easy for me considering the fact that we were running late and the cold weather? No! I chose calm instead of anger or chaos, I chose empathy instead of yelling or smacking.
Dear intentional parents, I encourage you to always use empathy as a tool to get your children to cooperate and understand the how, the when and the condition to use it. For Golden, he was very tearful and I also knew that there was nothing I could do to get his raincoat to fit him, so in such conditions, use empathy.
