It is no news that most parents believe that the teenage age is the most difficult stage in parenting. Well, with my knowledge as a parenting expert, I disagree on this because for me every developmental stage of a child is challenging and with the right knowledge and skills, parents should be able navigate each stage effectively.
Chores, you’ll agree with me that it is important for parents to assign age-appropriate chores to their child because they are a great way of teaching a child responsibility. With this in mind, some teenagers do not like chores and still do not want to do chores.
As an intentional parent, I’d like you to understand that your child refusing to do his/her assigned chores is not your responsibility but your child’s specific responsibility . Also, using force, shouting, yelling or even hitting will not make your teenage child do the chores. Remember when you do these, you’re meeting his need for control and autonomy and you know how important the satisfaction of these needs can be for a child. Again, you are responsible for how you react to your teenage child not doing assigned chores. This is where your emotional intelligence comes to play.
To get your child to meet your expected desire to do chores, I suggest the first thing you need to do as parents is to empathize by saying:
“Darling, I can see that you have not done your chores, are you ok? Is anything the matter?”
This way, he’ll tell you why he has not done his chores even if the reason is not genuine. With empathy, you will be able to connect with your child. Afterwards, you can let him know your worries of him not doing his chores, let him know how his refusal to do chores is going to affect not just him but the entire family. Please do this without condemning or comparing him with his other siblings or friends and also resist the urge of reminding him how he did not do his chores last week. Then ask him by saying:
“Do you need help? I’m here to help you should you need me.”
If he asks for help, please by all means happily do so without any grudge or complaint.
Doing this, your child will learn empathy and because you empathize with him, he’ll show you and people around him empathy when the need arises. Your child would have also learnt teamwork and taking responsibility for his actions without blaming anyone around him.
Dearest intentional parents, I’ll encourage you to assign age-appropriate chores to your child early so that before they become teenagers, doing chores will become part of them. Understand also that your emotions are your key responsibility because you are a role model for your child/children: your child is watching you. The way you react to him is the same way he’ll react to you and everyone around them, so be in charge of your emotions. I understand this can be challenging but constant practice and patience with yourself and your child will help you get a better result.
