Our previous posts were centred on parental favouritism and its effects on both the favoured child, unfavoured child and the parent. Today we’ll talk about how to overcome parental favouritism.
It is not unusual for parents to have favourites. Some parents might not make this so obvious, but they know within themselves. Children also know their parent’s favourite through their parent’s actions, behaviours, communication, etc.
What To Do to Avoid Parental Favouritism
- Awareness: as parents, it is important for us to create time for reflection–reflection on our parenting journey. This should be based on our family values and ideals. We need to reflect on how we’re nurturing our children. Am I being partial with my communication, how’s my reaction with this particular child over my other children? Sometimes, we’re not even aware of committing parental favouritism; that is why our reflection should also include the help of our parenting accountability partners: what are they saying or what have they observed about our parenting? Also, you can ask or tell friends, family members including professionals about your parenting. The most crucial step to take when it comes to parental favouritism is to be aware of it.
- Listening and Affirmation: listen to each child. Once a child understands that mummy or daddy gives me their listening ears, it helps them feel comfortable which in turns helps parents validate their emotions (these emotions are important). Listening to your child also means helping them to understand why you treated one child the way you did over another. For example, you can say: “Annie, I allowed Janny to go to the movies with his friends yesterday because I want him to socialize instead of staying at home all the time without any friends. You easily make friends and you go out quite often with your friends.”
- Spending time together: I understand that life can be very busy for many of us as parents, but, despite that, intentionally spending individual quality time over quantity with each child will help them feel loved. Again, remember children measure love by the amount of time you spend with them. You’ll also satisfy their need for relatedness which is one of the three basic psychological needs.
Dearest intentional parents, is it possible that a parent loves a child over another? Yes, it is and is common. Parental favouritism happens on a daily basis and will keep happening if unchecked as some parents may not even realise that they’re doing this subconsciously. Showing more understanding (to each child) and giving them your full attention without any interruption is the best way to curb parental favouritism. Remember, there will always be times in our lives when we will need to spend more time or do certain things more with a child over the other; however, being intentional with our actions and ensuring that each child gets the attention they need is the best way to go.
Remember that, every child is a gift and a blessing to humankind; every child is unique in their own way, so our role as parents is to love our children equally and treat them differently. Also, accept them for who they are. Every child has their own unique strength and weaknesses so celebrate them for who they are to avoid the effects parental favouritism.
