Have you ever wondered of a home without structure and routine? Structure is all the things we do in our home to make our children feel safe and comfortable. Structure helps a child to understand what is coming next. While routine (a sequence of actions regularly followed) helps add structure to our homes. Structure and routine work together. They are not only applicable to children but parents as well. They are essential in all areas of our lives as it helps build a sense of balance in parent and child day-to-day activities. Structure and routine should be created based on individual family needs.
Why Structure?
- It helps children to understand what to expect which helps them feel safe.
- It teaches a child effective time management skill.
- It helps a child build healthy habits.
- It reduces stress for a child.
- It promotes conflict resolution.
- It teaches a child responsibility and accountability.
Four Steps to Creating a Routine
- Identify routine: identify the routine you want for your family; it should be in line with your family’s visions and values. Think about the order and time you want them to occur. For example: morning routine, bedtime routine, study time, screen time, play time and mealtime. Remember, this routine should work for the whole family and not just for the child. Agree this plan with your spouse.
- Explain the routine: ensure your children understand what is expected of them, when it is expected and why it is expected. Simple posters can help a child remember what to do.
- Follow the routine: your child may push boundaries and it can be difficult for you as a parent to follow through especially when you are tired or stressed, so try to be consistent. Consistency is the key to making your routine meaningful. It will help your child know what you want and do what you ask.
- Use consequences: please ensure your child has the knowledge, has the skills and the desire to complete routine. For reinforcement, set rewards for achieving routine or consequences for default. If your child refuses to follow a routine, remind him of the consequence, and reward him when he follows the routine. Please note, reward does not necessarily have to do with money or stickers; simply, “I noticed you came home at an agreed time when you went to visit your friend–thank you for keeping to time.” Or “I noticed you put your toys away after use without anyone reminding you.” This is more than enough. The most important thing is to recognize good behaviour.
The Bible displays God as a God of structure (Genesis 1: 1-31). God’s universe is orderly. Hence, he created the earth in an orderly sequence in a six-day period. He could have chosen to mix it all up, but he understood the power or importance of structure. After his creation, he saw that everything was good and beautiful–He was happy and had peace. On the next day, the seventh day, He rested.
This is exactly what a structured routine does for you in your home. It gives you PEACE. Peace in the sense that even when you are not home, your home is up and running effectively because everyone knows what is expected of them. Dear parent, there is no intentional parenting without structure and routine. Embrace and create one today if you have not done so. Remember, parenting is not about the present, but also the future. It is what you do now that your child will take into adulthood.
