The parent-child relationship is the most crucial relationship in a child’s life; therefore, parents need to foster a healthy relationship. Trust is the bedrock of a healthy relationship. Building trust takes time; it is in the little things we do with our children daily. A healthy relationship is built on:
1. Time: identify the time you spend with your child, for example: wake up time, homework time, dinner time, play time, TV time and weekend time. Spend these times connecting with your child—be physically and emotionally present.
2. Confidentiality: when you have an open dialogue with your child, keep it confidential. It also means that when your child commits an offence, it is not right to tell your friends or loved ones. If for any reason you need to tell someone, it should be a professional. If you still feel you want to tell your friends or loved ones, please do so without their knowledge.
3. Respect: recognize your child’s unique qualities and celebrate them. Every child is not the same, so comparing your child with another is not a good parenting approach. Forcing your child to do things they do not want will dent your relationship with your child as well. Therefore, understand the child you have, and respect him for who he is. Respect is mutual; when you respect your child, your child will respect you in return. Respect their privacy. Respect fosters healthier relationships.
4. Open communication: give your children the room to express themselves. Whatever they are saying to you is important to them. Let them express how they feel without shutting them down.
5. Active listening: listen to your child even when you feel they are not making sense. Your child will feel heard, valued and seen. When you listen to them without any interruption, you are satisfying their need for relatedness. Please avoid mobile phone or any other distraction. If your child perceives that you do not listen to them (especially when they are young) when they are older, they will not trust you enough to share things with you. Be a present parent.
6. Love and affection: show this through physical touch, words of affirmations, gifts, acts of service and quality time—speak your child’s love language. Telling your child, ‘I love you!’ can never be enough. Tell this to your child (even to your older child) not only when they behave. This sends a message to them that no matter what happens, I know my mummy and daddy loves me unconditionally.
7. Independence: assign age-appropriate tasks to your child—you will meet their needs for competence. Fostering independence could be as little as asking your two-year-old child to take the nappy to the nappy bin. Ensure your child understands their personal and specific responsibility and always remind them using the word, “It is your responsibility to do this or that.”
8. Boundaries, rules, structure, and consequence: let your children know what is expected and what is not expected of them; this should be based on your family values. A healthy relationship is based on being firm yet warm. They will push boundaries; therefore, clear consequences for actions should be in place and upheld.
9. Quality time: play, pray and eat together. It is all about fun and helping them experience joy in their childhood. Laugh, smile, sing, dance together all these fosters healthier relationship. Doing this does not require a lot of time—10-15 minutes a day is enough.
10. Celebrate your child: be genuinely happy and see good in what they do, big or small. Celebrate their wins; It does not have to be academic achievement only—celebrate their positive behaviour. Also, celebrate them when they fail; remember, it is not necessarily about the result but the effort. Help them understand that failure is a tool to success.
11. Patience: be patient with your child. Children have lots of skills to learn, and it takes time to master these skills. Remember, zero to eighteen years is quite some time for them to learn these skills. Support them, encourage them, be calm and patient.
