A few days ago, my children had some of our neighbor’s children come around on a visit. Although they were a little bit older than them, they all got along well. Usually, when children visit, I leave my children to entertain their guests. My daughter does great at this and for me, it is a part of her taking responsibility.
But on this fateful day, something different happened that I didn’t expect.
They had this massive party bag where they put whatever they get from parties or events which also served as treats. It was also used as a way to teach delayed gratification to my son especially.
Usually, they use snacks, fruits, and drinks to entertain their guests.
But guess what?
This time, she brought their special party bag out.
I didn’t know what was going on until I came downstairs and saw the party bag empty. They ate everything that was in that bag. They were all eating with so much fun and excitement. I met everywhere littered with drinks, snack packs, chocolate wraps, and anything you could think of. It was like a party for them.
“Hmm, I can see you all are having fun, is there a party going on?” I asked them. “Why is there so much littered on the floor? Well, when you finish, you know what to do”.
Although I was shocked to see the big party bag empty, I didn’t say anything or take the bag away. I let them have their fun.
Finally, the day came to an end.
As it is in our culture before bedtime to talk about our best moment during the day. My daughter said her best moment was her party- time. I made her repeat what she said for me to be sure I heard her. Then she repeated the same. I said “Party”.
“Tell us about it”, I further asked.
She started talking about how she brought up the idea, of all the sweet things they ate. She also mentioned how they were making fun of themselves. Hearing her speak, you could tell that it was fun and exciting for her. I replied, “Wow, that must be nice”.
For me, I didn’t have any problem with the party or whatever they called it. To be honest, I was happy that they did what made them happy but the only challenge I had was them eating everything from the bag.
I had a deep thought about how I was going to applaud her for taking care of her visitors, made them happy and at the same time use it as a teachable moment.
I finally figured out what to do.
I started by saying: “Well done, Oma for engaging your friends in a fun and exciting way. I can tell you all had so much fun. Do you know when I was your age, I didn’t know how to take care of my friends? How did you come up with that idea? Can you share it with me? Afterwards, I asked: Can you get your party bag, let’s see what’s left?”
she replied, “The party bag is in the bin”.
In the bin? Who put it there? Where are all the things in it?”, I asked further.
Golden replied, “In our tummy,” I said OK. That means you don’t have a party bag anymore, right? they both said yes. What are you going to use when you need treats? I asked,
“Oma said we can buy some more”.
I asked again, do we usually buy the things in the party bag? They said no.
“What do we do now? everybody turn your thinking cap on”.
They kept talking about buying from the shop. So, I said I had an idea. How about your next party bag, instead of taking and eating everything up, do you think you can keep some for later? They said yes!
I asked why. “So, we can have some to eat later”, they chorused.
I was excited that they understood the message I was trying to pass to them.
So, I further explained to them that, if they eat all they have, the day they don’t have, they’ll not get anything to eat. Now you don’t have anything to eat as treats until you go to a party and what happens if you don’t get a party bag? Remember the other time you went to a party; did you get a party bag?
I took them through the process so they know what they did well and what they could do better next time without using any negative parenting approach. Using this technique will help them maintain healthy self-esteem.
In the end, it was a goal achieved for me.
