Every parent wants the best for their child, striving to nurture, guide, and support them to become confident and happy individuals. No parent is perfect on their journey of raising a child, especially when we have our own styles of parenting. The truth is, we all have made mistakes at some point and in our efforts to correct those mistakes, we often make more. Dear parents, like I always say, knowledge is one of the skills we need to be intentional in our parenting.
However, the journey of parenting is filled with challenges and learning experiences. And by being aware of these tendencies, you can make more conscious decisions that support your child’s development and emotional well-being.
Before diving into specific mistakes, it’s important to recognize that these actions often arise from love and concern. Therefore, understanding these FOUR common parenting mistakes can help you navigate this journey more effectively and avoid mistakes that may hinder your child’s growth.
- Not Giving Enough Hugs and Affection
Hugging your child is not only a way of showing affection but also, according to research, it is beneficial for your child’s health and healing. It reduces stress for your crying or angry child. Hugging is not just about holding your child, but about connecting with them. Sadly, parents often do not hug their child enough due to the fear that their child will misbehave or that the child will ask for it constantly. The fact is, the older your child gets, the less they will need your hugs. So, give your child the gift of hugs and affection now that you can.
- Forcing Your Child to Eat
Dear parents, avoid physically and emotionally forcing your child to eat just because you want them to have something in their stomach. What will happen when they grow taller than you? to an extent that you have to look up to be able to talk to them just because you’re no longer as tall as they are. Are you still going to force them at this stage? If they don’t want to eat the food you provide, please avoid going physical with them or emotionally blackmailing them. Remember that they’re free to make their own decisions and choices, and you don’t want to take away their sense of autonomy.
- Shaming Your Child
This reminds me of an incident at a playground. A child ran to her mother and whispered something in her ear. The mum didn’t quite hear what she was trying to say and loudly said, “Speak out, I can’t hear you. With a loud voice, she said; you need to learn to speak out!” The child immediately had her eyes cast down; you could tell from her expression that she felt embarrassed because of the presence of other parents and children. The mum might have acted unconsciously, but shaming a child can have long-lasting negative effects. This can cause a child to feel “I’m bad” (shame) or “I did a bad thing” (guilt). Continuously shaming a child can affect them negatively for the rest of their life.
- Comparing Your Child
Many parents have good intentions for their child, but the question is, do our actions align with our intentions? Our intentions to encourage our children to succeed often lead us to compare them to other children. This is often done unconsciously. We constantly want to know our child’s friends’ grades at school, their performance in sports, and how they interact with others compared to their friends. Doing this can cause your child to feel low about themselves, leading to low self-esteem. The emotional pain it causes might take a long time to heal and can lead a child to become aggressive, resentful, or even antagonistic.
Parenting your child until they become an adult is a long journey that requires skills, knowledge, patience, empathy, and more. Remember that you’ll make mistakes along the way. Dear parents, don’t be too hard on yourself when this happens. Accept your mistakes as natural to your process of becoming a better parent. Reflect on them and remember that the most important thing when it comes to parenting the right way is knowing what to do per time.
