Do you feel like your child never listens to you? You’re not alone!
Many parents have a hard time getting their child’s attention. Whether your child is too busy with their favorite activity or just ignoring you, it can be really frustrating. But don’t worry, understanding why this happens can help you communicate better and build a stronger bond with your child.
Here is how I know this is a common issue among parents
Just this week, I received a couple of messages from parents, especially when they see me post a new video on my status, asking me to create a video on “how to get a child to listen.” The same questions are coming from the parenting groups I belong to. Questions like, “How can I get my child to listen to anything I ask? Because they don’t. My 4-year-old doesn’t listen.”
I also understand that some children are already on holiday for the academic year, while others are yet to be. This alone worries parents as to how they’re going to cope with their children at home for this long period of time.
The truth is, the relationship you have with your child is honestly your best parenting tool, and believe me when I say this, that this is irreplaceable. This is achieved through connection, that is, connecting with your child on a daily basis. Sometimes, I feel parents struggle with connecting with their child because they think it will not help them or maybe not get their children to behave positively. Also, because of the busyness of life, they find it difficult to find the right time and energy to connect with their child, thinking it takes a lot of time. Also, not knowing how to connect or struggling with play because instead of playing, you’re busy yelling, whining, and criticizing your child.
Let’s be honest, getting kids to listen can be a challenge. But hey, you’re not alone! Now, let’s figure out why listening can be tough for them and what we can do about it!
- Lack of connection And Attention
Come to think of it, how do you expect your child to listen to you when you don’t have a connection with them? The reason they behave negatively is because they’re seeking attention. Remember, a child, including your teenagers, will do anything for attention, which is a huge determining factor in whether or not your child will listen to you. For me, I understand this is not our fault because this is actually how we were raised, and sometimes we don’t even realize that not connecting with our children is a problem. But the truth is, it is not just a problem but a big problem. Dear intentional parents, I’d advise you to rate yourself on a scale of 1-10 on how much you are connected with your child.
- Negatively Communicating with Them
Another reason why your child is not listening to you is negatively communicating with them. Sadly, a lot of parents don’t even know the number of times they use negative forms of communication with their child. This they do by constantly nagging and lecturing. Imagine a parent repeating a thing over and over again and still expecting their child to listen to them, how? Dear parent, I’ll encourage you that instead of nagging and lecturing, keep your conversation brief, and once you’ve said something to your child once, please by all means avoid saying it over and over again. Use consequences; otherwise, your child will not listen to you. Also, avoid criticizing, interrupting, putting your children down, dwelling on the past, sarcasm, threats, use of guilt, denying them their feelings, etc. When all of these become a norm, it creates an unhealthy environment, so instead of you as a parent feeling supported or heard by your child, you end up feeling attacked and defensive. Why? Because we were not taught how to communicate.
- My Child Did Not Hear Me
Imagine talking to a child engrossed in an activity they really enjoy. Honestly speaking, it can be very challenging for your child to hear you when you speak, and this is not to say that your child is intentionally ignoring you—no! Your child is just being carried away with whatever it is that they’re doing. To get your child to listen to you, be patient for your child to have a break in their activity. Get their full attention and maintain eye contact. Doing this will get your child to not only listen to you but also understand you.
- Difficult to Remember Multiple Instructions
Children generally find it difficult to remember multiple instructions, even if you ask them to do the same thing over and over again. It’s important for us to break the tasks down for them and ensure they finish a task before assigning another. Doing this will get them to not just listen but carry out what you’ve asked them to do because they understand.
- Your Child Is Used to Your Yelling First
You’ll agree with me that unacceptable behavior in a child happens when you repeatedly ask your child to do something over and over again, leading you to yell. This is because you have already conditioned your child to wait for you to yell before they listen to you. Practicing talking just once, which will lead to no yelling, will gradually get your child to listen to you the first time you speak to them.
- Understanding Why They’re Not Listening: Dear intentional parents, your first step to getting your children to listen to you is understanding why they’re not listening to you. Remember that no matter what is causing your child not to listen to you, your child is not intentionally disrespecting you; rather, your child needs you to help them build the skills for listening.
Dear intentional parents, the first step to getting your children to listen is understanding the reasons behind their behavior. Remember, your child isn’t intentionally ignoring or disrespecting you. They need your guidance to develop the skills for effective listening.
Here’s what you can do to help build a better communication between you and your children
Understand the root Cause
Children often don’t listen because they are distracted, overwhelmed, or not feeling connected. Take the time to observe and understand what might be causing your child to tune out.
Build a Strong Connection
A strong, positive relationship is the foundation for effective communication. Spend quality time with your child, engage in activities they enjoy, and show genuine interest in their thoughts and feelings.
Communicate Positively
Avoid negative communication such as nagging, lecturing, or criticizing. Instead, keep your conversations brief, clear, and positive. Encourage and praise your child when they listen and respond.
Be Patient and Consistent:
Changing communication patterns takes time. Be patient with your child and yourself. Consistently apply these principles, and over time, you will see improvement.
Model Good Listening
Show your child what good listening looks like by being a good listener yourself. Pay attention when your child speaks, maintain eye contact, and respond thoughtfully.
By recognizing the underlying causes and addressing them with patience and empathy, you can help your child become a better listener and strengthen your relationship in the process.
