Understanding You and Your Child’s Temperament

Let me ask you this question “Why does one child needs more care and attention while another bounces with endless energy?”
It all comes down to temperament! Every child is born with a unique set of traits that shape how they see the world, react to challenges, and even play. Understanding your child’s temperament could be the key to unlocking their potential and making parenting a whole lot easier.

Let’s dive into the fascinating world of temperaments and discover what makes your child different.

Everyone is born into this world with their unique personalities, that is their inborn temperament. But we often wonder, Why does one child easily follow rules, while another constantly challenges the limits? The answers lie in the core of their temperament.

But what exactly is temperament?

It’s the blueprint of who we are, the natural traits that influence how we feel, think, and behave. It determines the way we view and approach everything in life.
Temperament is what makes you act the way you do. it is what will help you understand why you are the way you are and why you behave the way you do.
It will help you understand your strengths and weaknesses, accept them, and help you focus on maximizing your strengths to the fullest. It is a determining factor on how you or your child behaves.

Studies show that temperament is largely inherited, with up to 50% influenced by genetics. Tim LaHaye author of “why you act the way you do” identified four basic types of temperament that is, Sanguine — Cheerful, Choleric-Optimistic, Melancholy- Perfectionist, Phlegmatic — Calm.

Psychologist Mary Rothbart expanded on this by linking temperament to key traits like extraversion, negative emotions, and self-regulation. Additionally, the goodness-of-fit model suggests that a child’s success depends on how well their temperament aligns with their environment, emphasizing the importance of responsive parenting.

It determines who a person really is, your inner drive, innate traits  and abilities. It explains why one child is introverted and another is extroverted.

It’s why one child enjoys reading and studying while the other wants to be in the public eye. It’s why a child will be running, suddenly falls, and immediately stands up to start running  while another child will be crying, waiting for their caregiver to pick them up.

Just like DNA, we inherit temperament from our parents, grandparents, or blood relations. Everyone, including children, is made up of more than one temperament, but the dominant one is regarded as the child’s temperament.

Types of temperament

1. The first is Phlegmatic.
   They are not usually very active and energetic. They’re likely to remain seated and will not take to adventure. They act very slowly and talk less, you can be offending them and get away with it, but the day they react, you might not like what you’ll get. A phlegmatic child is usually well-behaved. They’re the quiet ones in class, they obey rules, and usually will not break any.

 Let’s See the Strengths of a Phlegmatic.

1. They’re very likeable set of people.
2. They’re Lovable.
3. They’re easy-going.
4. They’re usually very patient.
5. They’re very agreeable.
6. They’re peaceful.
7. They’re Clever.
8. They’re naturally calm and quiet—even in the midst of a storm.
9. They listen really well.
10. They’re not pressured—works well under pressure, often part of the last-minute.
11. They’re usually very capable when motivated—meaning they need a lot of push to get work done this is because they love comfort.
12. They’re very accommodating.
13. They’re very diplomatic, in-between set of people.
14. They’re very loyal and reliable.
15. They’re genuinely helpful— they will go out of their way to help.
16. They have good sense of humour.

See Their Weaknesses.

1. They dislike change. They’re the one that will stay in an organization for years even when they’re not comfortable.
2. They avoid conflict at all costs.
3. They can be stubborn and indecisive. They know what they want.
4. Thy tends to be lazy.
5. They procrastinate a lot. In fact, this is a major weakness for them. They know what to do and perhaps how to do it but procrastination is usually their problem.
6. They’re very fearful—lacks courage.
7. They lack the internal drive to a task.
8. They’re easily influenced.
9. They need  motivation to get things done.
10. They’re very quiet.
11. People pleaser.

The Phlegmatic Parent.

1. They usually have time for their children.
2. They’re very patient—teaches their child patiently.
3. They’re very tolerant of their child’s negative behaviour.
4. Not easily upset. This is just due to their calm nature.

        Weaknesses of phlegmatic parents

1. Not firm with discipline—likely to do their children’s tasks when they don’t.
2. They allow their children to relax too much.
3. They’re not very organized at home.
4. They’re likely not to take action until the situation worsens.
5. They’re likely to focus on making their children happy, shielding them from life’s realities.
   

            Let’s See How to Parent the Phlegmatic Child

Because they are peaceful and calm in nature, they follow rules, but their lack of drive to complete tasks can get them into trouble. As a parent, you need to keep motivating and pushing them to be productive.
Setting rules, daily to-do lists, and reminders (such as alarms) can help keep them on track. Positive reinforcement and rewards are more effective than withdrawing privileges. Giving them responsibilities, setting goals, and giving them time to achieve them are key.

Teach them to take initiative with a mantra like, “When there’s a problem, I find a solution.” Build their confidence, and avoid comparing, yelling, or criticizing. Encourage mentorship and teach them how to deal with peer pressure, as they may tend to be people pleasers.

2. The Second Type of Temperament; Melancholy.
   I call them “the perfectionist,” the introverts, the most gifted of all temperaments, and very intelligent. This is because of their calm nature, high level of sensitivity, their ability to pay attention to details, and perseverance. They’re the ones that report their classmates often.

                           Let’s See Their Strengths.

1. They’re very organized.
2. They’re very responsible.
3. They’re very talented and creative.
4. They enjoy their privacy.
5. They pay high level of attention to details.
6. They’re very calm in nature.
7. They’re very suspicious.
8. They’re artistic in nature.
9. They’re very calculative.
10. They’re great problem-solvers.
11. They’re very sensitive.
12. They’re very gifted.
13. They’re perfectionist.
14. They’re very purposeful.
15. They’re idealist.
16. They’re great planners.
17. They’re dependable.
18. They’re dutiful.
19. They’re goal-oriented.
20. They’re very loyal.
21. They’re diligent.
22. They’re very neat and orderly.
23. They believe in doing things right.
24. They’re very analytical.
25. They love facts.
26. They work well alone.
27. They’re great deep thinker—enjoys the process  of anything they find themselves doing.

                    Let’s See Their Weaknesses

1. They can be withdrawn.
2. They Don’t trust easily.
3. They’re unable to handle criticism.
4. They’re very sensitive.
5. They’re pessimistic.
6. They have low self-esteem/inferiority complex.
7. They’re very revengeful.
8. They’re not willing to communicate freely.
9. They’re Inflexible.
10. They Complains and nags due to their high standards.

Parenting the melancholy child.
They are easy to parent because they’re naturally well-behaved. However, they need plenty of love and encouragement. Because they’re always wanting to learn, they ask many questions, so be ready to answer them, or they’ll seek answers elsewhere. Be gentle when correcting them, as harsh criticism can affect their self-esteem and lead to depression.

Teach them the value of flexibility, model gratitude, and help them learn how to handle disappointment and the word “no.”

3. The Third Temperament; Sanguine.
   Children and adults with sanguine temperaments are the optimists. They’re energetic, fun, and outgoing—the most undisciplined of all the temperaments.

Let’s See Their Strengths.

1. They’re very active—can’t sit still for long.
2. They’re very cheerful.
3. They’re risk-takers.
4. They’re creative and imaginative.
5. They love to have fun.
6. They don’t dwell on past hurts, very quick to forgive.
7. They’re enthusiastic.
8. They’re quick to apologize.
9. They’re people-oriented—makes friends easily.
10. They’re very unpredictable.
11. They’re attention-seekers.
12. They’re very popular.
13. They love parties, anything fun.
14. They like bright colours.
15. They’re easy-going.
16. They don’t hold grudges.
17. They love activities.
18. They easily adapt to new environments.

See Their Weaknesses.

1. They’re egoistic.
2. They like to show-offs.
3. They’re very disorganized and scattered.
4. They’re easily bored.
5. They’re undisciplined with money and food.
6. They’re very forgetful.
7. They jump from project to project.
8. They exaggerate and tell lies.
9. They’re emotionally unstable.
10. They’re impulsive—acts before thinking.
11. They’re people pleasers.
12. They Crave for attention- attention-seekers.
13. They’re very loud and monopolizes conversation.

Parenting the sanguine child.
The sanguine child needs a lot of freedom and space to explore. Engage them in activities they enjoy to channel their energy, and teach them essential skills like patience, discipline, and perseverance.
They may act before thinking, but gentle correction will help them learn from their mistakes.

4. The Fourth Temperament; Choleric.
   Often regarded as strong-willed, choleric tend to be fearless, decisive, and born leaders. They thrive on competition and challenges, and they love being in charge. Their need for autonomy is so high.

See Their Strengths.

1. They’re risk-takers.
2. They’re adventurous.
3. They’re resilient.
4. They’re very competitive.
5. They’re assertive in nature.
6. They’re very confident.
7. They push others to action.
8. They’re well-organized.
9. They’re very dependable.
10. They’re optimistic.
11. They don’t give up easily.
12. They’re fearless.
13. They’re great problem solvers.
14. They’re good at delegating task.
15. They thrive in teams.
16. They’re tireless and energetic.
17. They’re goal-getters.

Let’s see their Weaknesses.

1. They’re domineering.
2. They’re opinionated.
3. They’re bossy.
4. They’re unsympathetic.
5. They’re arrogant and proud.
6. They’re aggressive in nature.
7. They put projects before people. Is all about work for them.
8. They don’t understand rest.
9. They’re Intolerant.
10. They’re mean.
11. They’re very stubborn and rebellious.
12. They can be judgmental.

Now Let’s See How to Parent the Choleric Child.

Parenting a choleric child can be challenging as they tend to push boundaries and intentionally break rules. It’s important to set firm rules and boundaries while focusing on their strengths.  It Involves them in decision-making, recognize their achievements, and teach them compassion, humility, and anger management. Also, satisfy their need for autonomy by by giving them options within boundaries.

 

In conclusion,

Raising a successful child requires a balance of nature and nurture. Be intentional in equipping your child with the right skills, values, and character traits. Remember, the goal is not to raise a perfect child, but a well-rounded child who can confidently navigate life’s challenges.
Understanding your child’s temperament can provide valuable insights into their unique needs, helping you foster an environment that allows them to thrive.

Celebrate their individuality, guide them with patience, and encourage them to embrace their strengths while working on their weaknesses.  In doing so, you’ll not only raise a capable child but one who is prepared to face the complexities of life with resilience and self-awareness.