Parenting is one of the most profound journeys you’ll ever take, shaping not only the lives of your children but also your personal growth and family dynamics. The way you choose to raise your child impacts their emotional, social, and intellectual development, as well as their ability to navigate the world confidently and responsibly.
Each parent has a unique approach, some are structured, lenient, others are firm and warmth, while many fall somewhere in between. Understanding the different parenting styles is crucial, as it helps you recognize the effect your choices have on your child’s behavior, decision-making abilities, and overall well-being.
What is Parenting Style?
A parenting style is a psychological construct that represents standard strategies parents use in their child-rearing. It includes the attitudes, behaviours, and practices that parents employ when interacting with their children.
Your parenting style reflects how you establish boundaries, discipline, express warmth, and communicate with your child, ultimately influencing their development.
Have you ever wondered or asked yourself what type of parenting style do I want to adopt or do I have?
I always help parents understand the type of parenting style they have because, from experience, I have often noticed that parents have different styles, and this alone usually causes disagreement in the home.
Understanding these styles can help you give your child the right support that they need for their development, behaviour, and general well-being.
As we explore the four main parenting styles, you’ll gain insights into how each approach influences your child’s development and what it might mean for their future.
Whether you’re seeking to improve your methods or simply reflect on your approach, knowing these styles will help you navigate the complexities of parenting with more intention and clarity.
Why is it important to talk about it?
The thing is every child is different. However, understanding parenting styles is key for several reasons;
- It helps us understand what kind of parent we want to be. This helps us become intentional and conscious in the way we parent our child, in terms of setting boundaries, discipline, and above all, it will help us have a good relationship with our child or children.
- It helps us understand the importance of being firm, while at the same time being warm, because children thrive on both.
- Understanding these parenting styles helps us make informed choices and decisions in an environment that best suits our children’s needs, according to time and situation.
In the 1960s, Diana Baumrind, a clinical and developmental psychologist, identified three parenting styles. Later on, in the 1980s, Stanford researchers Eleanor Maccoby and John Martin added a fourth, neglectful or uninvolved parenting.
Now let’s see the four parenting styles and their effects on a child.
The Authoritarian Parenting.
- Authoritarian parents are parents who’ll say things like: “You’re my child, I gave birth to you, I know the right way to raise you, so you must obey my authority or do as you’re told.”
- They’re very high on control and will demand obedience from their children. They’re very good at setting the rules and enforcing them, but they find it difficult to be affectionate with their child.
- They’re never flexible about the rules and never give their child an opportunity to share their perspective.
- They make all the decisions and choices they feel are good for their child, without putting their child’s feelings into consideration.
- They usually have high expectations for their child, without even noticing or acknowledging their child’s accomplishments.
- They believe that a child is not meant to be heard, only seen. Their child is only permitted to speak when asked to do so.
An Authoritarian parents believe so much in the use of punishment and rewards for their child. When they set rules, they expect their child to obey them, and if their child does obey, they get rewarded. If the child disobeys, they get punished.
An authoritarian parent wants their child to say “yes sir” and “yes ma” to Mummy and Daddy at all times, or else they suffer the consequences.
- They usually have one-way communication.
- Their child’s feelings do not matter to them as long as the child obeys and do as they’re told.
- They’re very firm and strict. They use words like “Get dressed now because we’re going to the shop.” Their child dares not ask “why,” otherwise they will be punished. They may not necessarily use a cane to punish their child, but the child must suffer the consequences of any misbehavior.
An Authoritarian parent does not involve their child in the decision-making of the home and do not give room for choices, not even in any circumstances. They believe, “I’m an adult, I gave birth to you, I know what’s best for you.”
Future outcome or consequences
Studies have shown that children who grow up in authoritarian households are more likely to be obedient. This is because they’re used to the adults in their lives telling them what to do and making decisions for them.
They struggle to make decisions for themselves and end up depending on others, seeking validation from friends or people around them. They tend to be followers and people-pleasers, even when they’re uncomfortable. They lack the strong will to say “no.”
They struggle with low self-esteem, tend to be shy, and usually think they can’t do anything or solve problems by themselves. They feel, “I’m not important, I don’t deserve anything good.” Some of them become rebellious later in life.
They doubt the care and affection shown to them by people around them because they were never cared for or shown affection by their parents. Hence, they feel that others want something from them.
They struggle with anxiety, depression, unhappiness, and are generally withdrawn.
- Permissive Parenting Style.
- This type of parent is low in control and very high in warmth, that is, with love and affection. They’re mainly concerned about making their child happy and wanting to be friends with their child, which is why discipline is a big-time struggle for them.
- A permissive parent does not want their child to suffer any kind of pain, frustration, rejection, or challenges in general.
- They do all the talking for their child. For example, if you ask their child, “Why are you crying? I thought you had already eaten or had your snacks?” They’ll say, “Oh no, she had very little; she actually doesn’t have a big stomach for food,” or, “Oh, she had one snack instead of two.” They’re the ones that will cover up or defend their child in every situation.
- They believe their children know what to do and allow them to do whatever they want at all times.
- They will usually not set rules or boundaries, and even if they do, they are unpredictable in enforcing them. For example, a child can take snacks as long as they want and whenever they want, and the parents ignore it. But the next time the child takes snacks, the parent reacts and punishes the child severely, leaving the child confused.
- They do everything for their child, including chores. They believe the child have all the time to do chores in adulthood.
- They also believe that children become responsible when there are no rules or boundaries to govern them.
- They often use bribes and gifts as rewards for behaviour.
Future Outcomes or Consequences of Permissive Parenting.
Children raised by this kind of parent tend to exhibit risky behaviors when they’re older.
They usually have problems respecting people in authority, such as, government, teachers or coaches. They’re egocentric, always feeling entitled, because they’ve never been told “no.”
They’re not responsible and can be unmotivated. They may be unhappy because they realize they’re unable to do things for themselves in adulthood and struggle with life’s eventualities.
3. The Uninvolved or Neglectful Parenting Style.
- These parents are low on both love and control. They usually leave their children to fend for themselves or may provide a caregiver but do not supervise or ensure the caregiver is offering the right support.
- They neglect their children’s needs. Their children usually lack guidance, support, and a sense of security.
- They’ll provide everything a child needs in terms of food and shelter but are never there physically, emotionally, or psychologically to support their child.
- They’re parents who will never attend their children’s school events or get involved in their activities, which can make a child feel neglected and unimportant.
- They’re usually consumed with their own work. They don’t set rules or boundaries.
Future Outcome or Consequences of Uninvolved or Neglectful Parenting.
Children raised in this environment often suffer from low self-esteem, emotional instability, and difficulty forming meaningful relationships.
They struggle with trust issues, anxiety, sadness, low academic performance, and may engage in risky behaviors, such as substance abuse.
- Authoritative or Balanced Parenting Style.
- These parents are high on being firm while also being warm, showing love and affection but also maintaining control.
- They guide their children with reason and respect. These parents ensure rules and consequences exist in the home because they understand that children need rules. When a child is given clear boundaries and the ability to make choices and decisions, they gain autonomy.
- They’re quite flexible depending on the situation and confident in their parenting approach.
- They listen to their child and consider their feelings and emotions.
Future Outcome of Authoritative or A Balanced Parenting.
Children raised with this style of parenting are happier.
- They do well in school and grow into self-disciplined and responsible adults.
- They’re more confident, socially adjusted, and able to solve their own problems.
- They feel safe and protected by their parents, they follow other authority figures, and have a good relationship with their parents.
Shaping the Future with Your Parenting Style.
When it comes to raising your child, there are no guarantees or one-size-fits-all outcomes. While research points to patterns in how different parenting styles impact children, other factors, such as your child’s temperament, the environment they grow up in, cultural influences, and social interactions, also play crucial roles in shaping who they become.
Before you say, “Well, I was punished and I turned out fine,” take a moment to reflect on the extensive research that shows how certain approaches can have lasting effects. Also, remember that during your time, there was good family system and support, aunties, uncles, friends, neighbours and community at large were part of who raised us and they all had same parenting values unlike now that everyone is minding their business. Again, technology was not as crazy as it is now. We didn’t have phones, tablets, iPad and all unlike the children we’re raising today. So, all these factors formed how we turned out.
Parenting isn’t about following a strict formula; it’s about being flexibility, informed, and intentional in your approach. Ultimately, your parenting style should nurture your child’s growth and development in a healthy way. The way you interact, guide, and discipline them will leave a lasting impact, shaping their future decisions, behaviors, and how they navigate the world. So, why not choose a path that not only helps your child thrive today but sets them up for success tomorrow?
